Healing Backwards: The Spiral of Saying Yes When I Mean No

It happened again this week.

I said yes when I wanted to say no.

It wasn’t dramatic. No one pressured me.But as the words left my mouth—“Yeah, I can do that”—I felt it.The tightening in my chest.The slight inward recoil.The little voice saying, There you go again…

It’s such a small moment on the outside. But it carries weight.And if you rewind through my life, you’ll see that this exact moment has been on loop for decades.

The Pattern

I’m someone who’s been a people-pleaser most of my life.

I’ll say yes, even when I’m depleted.I’ll show up, even when I’m burning out.I’ll be the one holding space, even when there’s no space left in me.

It’s taken me years to even notice when it’s happening—because I’ve built entire parts of my identity around being helpful, kind, generous, capable.

But underneath that… is a quieter truth.

I do it because I want to be seen.Because I’ve spent a lifetime feeling unseen.

The Need to Be Seen

As a child, I never felt fully visible.

I was different. Quiet. Awkward. Sensitive.I felt things deeply and expressed them differently.But in a world of louder voices, alpha energy, and fast-paced expectations—my way of being went unnoticed.

At school, I disappeared into the background unless I was being mocked.At home, I tiptoed around the moods of young parents navigating their own storms.And at the centre of it all was my father.

He was emotionally distant. Critical. Hard to read.And like many sons, I wanted to make him proud.

So I tried.I did the right thing.I kept things tidy. I got on with it. I didn’t ask for much.

And still—nothing came back.

No “I’m proud of you.”No “I see how hard you’re trying.”No softness.

Just more silence. Or more control.

It’s funny, in a painful sort of way—how the absence of a few kind words can shape entire life patterns.

The Spiral

When you grow up seeking unconditional love and don’t find it, you don’t stop seeking.You just change where you look.

You start scanning other relationships.Other people’s approval.Jobs, friendships, partners, clients.

You build a whole life trying to earn something that should have been given freely.

And suddenly, you realise that saying yes when you mean no isn’t about boundaries—it’s about survival.Because saying no might mean being rejected. Being overlooked. Being invisible again.

Sound Helped Me Notice

I never expected sound to help with this.But over time, it’s done something I never could have reasoned my way into.

It’s made me feel the difference between doing and being.

In a soundbath, I don’t have to give. I don’t have to perform.I don’t have to make anyone proud.I just lie down.And sound meets me exactly where I am.

No expectations. No judgement. Just resonance.

That alone is medicine.

Because in those moments, my body receives the message it’s been longing for: You don’t

have to try so hard.You’re already enough.I see you.

Healing Backwards

It’s not always about digging up old memories.Sometimes, healing begins with noticing the small patterns in our present.

Saying yes too quickly. Apologising when we haven’t done anything wrong.Feeling resentment build quietly in the background.

And instead of shaming ourselves for it, we pause.And ask:

• Where have I done this before?

• Whose love did I once try to earn like this?

• What am I still hoping to prove?

That’s healing backwards.

It’s not about blame.It’s about recognition.Because once you see the root, you can begin to choose differently.

Let’s Leave You with This

If you struggle to say no…If you feel unseen unless you’re giving something…If you’re tired of feeling like enough is never enough—

You’re not broken.You’re responding to an old wound.

🖤Let sound hold you where words couldn’t.Let vibration meet the part of you that always had to strive.

And little by little…Let that part of you rest.