The Vagus Nerve: Why Calm Was Never Easy for Me

I’ve always been an overthinker.My mind scans ahead, sees risks, plays out possibilities.It’s not anxiety in the panicked sense—it’s constant readiness.

Now, I understand much of that comes from being autistic.But it also comes from my childhood. And from a nervous system that never truly felt safe.

Living on Alert

As a child, I couldn’t leave my house without bullies waiting in the street.I couldn’t walk into a classroom without the “alpha males” mocking how I walked, how I looked, how I existed.

Childhood can be brutal when you’re different.And I was. Quiet. Awkward. Shy. Effeminate.I liked tidiness, structure, and order. I got pleasure from lining things up, from keeping things in their place.

It was how I coped.Because nothing else felt safe.

My parents married young. They didn’t get on. Arguments were frequent.My dad—well, I now see that much of my autism comes from him. He was awkward, loud, opinionated, hard to please, and difficult to talk to.So home wasn’t a refuge. It was another space where I had to watch, listen, prepare.

When Your Body Learns to Expect Danger

Over time, that hyper-awareness became a habit.My nervous system stayed in a constant state of scanning.Looking back, I don’t remember ever truly relaxing.

Is it any wonder that now, as an adult, I see risks everywhere?It’s not irrational. It’s learned.

And the part of the body that governs all of this?

It’s the vagus nerve—the longest nerve in the body and the main communicator between your brain and body.

What Is the Vagus Nerve?

The vagus nerve runs from the brainstem through the face, chest, heart, lungs, digestive system, and all the way down into the gut.

It controls your parasympathetic nervous system—your rest and digest state.

Think of the vagus nerve like a messenger line from your brain to your body.When that line is clear, calm can flow.But if it's tangled in years of static and fear signals, the message struggles to get through.

When the vagus nerve is balanced:

• You feel calm and grounded

• Your digestion flows

• Your heart rate and breath slow

• You can regulate emotion and stay present

When it’s underactive or dysregulated:

• You feel overwhelmed, anxious, or dissociated

• Your gut feels off

• You struggle to shift out of stress

• Your body stays in a constant “on” state

How I’ve Learned to Soothe It

I used to think I just had to “calm down” or “get over it.”But the body doesn’t respond to logic—it responds to sensation.

So I’ve learned to work with the body instead of against it.And one of the most effective tools I’ve found is sound.

1. Humming, Chanting, Singing

These activate the vagus nerve directly.I hum when I’m overwhelmed. I chant when panic rises.

But the real test? Crossing a bridge.

I grip the wheel, throat tight, pulse racing.And I sing—not because I want to, but because I need to.It’s the only way my nervous system hears: You’re safe now.

2. Breath and Sound Together

In soundbaths, the combination of slow breath and sustained tones sends a clear signal to the nervous system:“You’re safe now. You can rest.”

That’s not just poetic—it’s physiological.

3. Low Frequency Sound for Deep Settling

Bowls placed on the body. Deep tones from the gong. Gentle flumi sweeps.These don’t just relax the muscles—they send messages of safety deep into the nervous system.And that’s when healing can happen.

Why It Matters

When you’ve lived your whole life assessing risk—When your body has been trained to see danger at school, in the streets, and even at home—Calm doesn’t come easily.

It has to be learned.Practised.Felt.

And the vagus nerve is the path back.

Let’s Leave You with This

If you feel stuck in overthinking...If you scan your surroundings before you can speak...If rest feels like a distant dream...

You’re not broken.Your body is doing its best to keep you safe.

You don’t have to force calm.You can invite it in.

Through hums.Through breath. Through sound.

🖤Because sometimes, the way back to yourself doesn’t start with willpower or insight.It starts with vibration. A single tone. A quiet hum. A reminder—you’ve survived long enough. Now it’s time to feel safe.